DAY 8: I THINK I MAY BE A ROBOT

Monday, January 9, 2023

During the weeks before Christmas, I shopped on many sites that I don’t usually visit. My Grandson always seems to want things that come from unusual places, and of course I want to get him what he wants. On some, I was confronted with a little pop-up display that asked me to prove that I am not a robot. This has happened to all of you, I am sure. It is a bit insulting, isn’t it? I mean, of course I am not a robot!

Or am I?

I got through Christmas not being a robot and felt pretty satisfied with myself. But the other day, I was trying to buy something for me, I don’t even remember what. I got the little pop-up, asking me to “find the stoplights.” There was the familiar little grid of nine pictures. These pictures are small when you are using a Kindle, people. I have poor eyesight and wear reading glasses. I squinted at the pictures. I held the screen up closer to my face. I took a sip of my tea. Hmm. I wasn’t even sure I saw any stoplights. There were a few pictures that had what looked like skinny posts sticking up, so I guess they had the lights at the top. I clicked on four of them. This is the answer I got from the robot monitors:

NO! That is not correct, and we are really suspicious that you may be a robot. We will show you more pictures and you had better get it right this time. Here they are: show us that you can find the signs.

Okay, so I found some small square things on buildings and a few on top of posts that could be signs. Or were those more stoplights? I clicked on three pictures. By now my eyes felt strained and I felt a headache coming on.

NO! You are in big trouble now. We may not let you buy anything on this site ever again. We will give you another try. This will be very obvious, as you are clearly an idiot. Now, try to find the cars.

Maybe I needed something much stronger than that tea. But I figured this had to be a piece of cake (please, robot-monitor-guy, don’t ask me to find pieces of cake next).

I clicked on four squares. They definitely had cars. Or – wait. Maybe that one at the top is just one of those big trash bins they have outside of stores. Cars could be outside of stores, or – here is the tricky part – big trash bins could be outside of stores. This is clearly not fair. I briefly considered trying to contact some kind of consumer fairness agency that might hold some sway with the robot monitors. But no, I could do this. I studied the four squares that I had clicked on. I had not hit “submit” yet. I chewed on my lip. My hands were slick with perspiration. I unclicked one of the squares. That really did look like a trash bin. I hit “submit” and closed my eyes, muttering softly to myself words I cannot repeat here.

It worked! I was granted the privilege of spending money on the site. How proud I was!

I hope I don’t have to buy anything else any time soon.

By then, I may be a robot.

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